Ghost of my Former

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Clarity part zero

Thoughts trample my brain like the Spain running of the bulls i further question myself, my meaning, my reason for life, the will to live to give it a chance everyday i wake up i cant sit here and act like i dont still think about it because i do almost everyday. I think i just hate being alone all the time.. like i have people but you know people leave, people have others they would rather be with at different moments….. i have myself and my thoughts but my thoughts are unsafe to this point of my life it’s 2:08 am as i type this and my mind is just in over time…. what happens in the next year? where will i be? who will i be? will i be the same person? or will i have changed into a better or worse person? will i kill a bunch of people and expect an insanity plea? will i go back to school and become something? hell maybe?

i dont know what to do at this moment in my life i lack motivation to grease the wheel, to insert a coin into this game of life as the continue screen ticks down to the game over….. I’m lazy and that’s the fact like a fat cat I’m just here laying on my back staring at the ceiling trying to find a different feeling… something new, unique and warm hell ill even take cold still be a change of pace in this never ending race….Marathons are to be run at a certain speed we can take the greed of winning and before early winded or the slow and steady because we just are not ready or the as we can taking time to plan our cool down points until that final stretch…..

If i had any idea where i was going with this it would definitely be this…where should i begin to becoming a better me so i can stop fleeing from my so called fears and toward the many cheers of life like a decent career i cant make promises because i hate breaking promises so ill promise nothing and just keep on until there’s nothing but the way up to go like… shit i dont know like what ever has hit as far as it can go…

oh….let it be known this is NOT a suicide note just a mere reflection on what is, what has been, what could be, and slash or what could be.. so yeah…bye

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